My book, Adventures in Soulmaking, is ready to publish...well, "almost" ready. At first I waited on the editor, then I waited for permission request responses, now I'm waiting on a forward to be completed. Says Sue Monk Kidd about such times of waiting...
I stood at the window watching the cocoon, which hung in the winter air like an upside–down question mark. That was the moment... I understood. Really understood. Crisis, change, all the myriad upheavals that blister the spirit and leave us groping– they aren't voices simply of pain but also of creativity. And if we would only listen, we might hear such times beckoning us.
We all must bear the tension of waiting, like that enshrouded caterpillar hanging from its limb. How can we wait more centeredly? How can we avoid work, fret, or impatience as we endure the necessary suffering of waiting?
Helen Luke points out,
There is a dark underside to culture and the human race which desires special favors from having an inside track, special knowledge, etc. But if you truly desire higher things, you must be purged of the pride which comes from the special feeling one has in seeing heavenly things. You have not become special in seeing these things. I have only taken you on the same walk of suffering upon which I take every true saint of God. Why should you be any different? You shall know your suffering at the right time.
Christ was special, but He emptied himself of all that specialness. Lucifer was special, but refused to empty himself as he compared himself to the other Holy Ones. Contentment with who you are and earthly circumstances is a great gift. This provides for rest in the truth without striving for some unattainable specialness that only leads to ruin.
Much of my personal struggle to let go of such entitlement during my Purgative Way found its roots in problems with nursing during my infancy. It was humblingly having to repeatedly view my own undevelopedness in the Shadow images of my dreams that helped grow my patience. Rowdy children, prisoners, cranky infants, wrestlings with devils and cultists--all were there in my visions of the night to challenge me. The survival instincts and impatience die hard and rise up against the call to wait and trust. Recognition by the world must die. Entitlement must die. The demands of an infant soul for more must pass away. The sorrows of life's limitations must be felt. Not enough milk! Not enough money! Not enough time to meet everyones demands! I lose my temper at patients who imply I havent done enough. They are acting out my Shadow. Lord, help me! Deliver me!
The Still Small Voice says, "Your deliverance lies in waiting and rest, not in striving or wrath."
So my consciousness waited between the opposites. On one side, my needy self. On the other side, my entitled, aggressive self. And as consciousness grew, God gave me strength to stand, and anchored my feet to the Rock. I then became willing to go through the death to which He called me. I no longer fear the heavens and their silence. I trust in God and wait for the road to narrow.
I came to see the Cross as a bridge between my heart and mind. I see myself prostrate on the cross, embracing it. The cross brings discernment which I am to love. Can we learn to love waiting? I am starting to, by God's grace.
Here's my favorite Bible passage on this matter.
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.--Psalms 40:1-3
I'd love it if you would wait with me. "Two are better than one," says the proverb. Add your comments to this blog post and let us wait with our minds and hearts together. Amen.